It still feels surreal to me!
The first time I discovered that I was pregnant.
We had been trying for the past three months.
I was over the moon! I was simultaneously excited yet shocked, with a million and ten thoughts going through my head at once.
I immediately when back to the drug store to pick up two more boxes of pregnancy tests. I wanted to be certain before I shared the news. Staring at the numerous positive sticks in front of me, I couldn’t help but to laugh and cry happy tears whilst imagining what my life would be like with another little one. I was eager to announce the news to the world and couldn’t wait for the beautiful journey that was ahead.
It’s an understatement that when I miscarried, I was emotionally. This was the second pregnancy I had lost. The first one two years prior.
I felt defeated!
My life was being steered by an act of nature beyond my control. I tried to hold myself together. Some days I was successful, and other days I just fell apart.
If you have experienced a miscarriage or know someone who has, then you have an understanding of how shattering it can be. It can leave you feeling overwhelmed, confused, and isolated.
However, it’s important to know that you are not alone. There are many people who have gone through similar experiences, and there are resources that can help you get the support you need.
In this blog post, I’ll be sharing some of the things that helped me heal emotionally after my miscarriage. I know it won’t be easy, but I hope this post brings you comfort and guidance on your journey of emotional healing.
1. Acknowledging My Grief
Grieving is a natural part of the healing process after experiencing a miscarriage. It’s easy to feel that you are the only person experiencing this and that somehow something is wrong with you. The truth of the matter is, miscarriages are actually very common. You only feel so isolated because people usually don’t talk about them.
At first, when the nurse would make follow up calls and asked me how I was doing, I would always respond “I’m okay” knowing damn well I wasn’t. On one of these calls she said to me, “it’s okay to not be okay” I just busted out bawling.
I started allowing myself to feel every emotion that came – the hurt, disappointment, anger, self-blame and sadness. I sat with them, laid with them, and cried with them. I slowly processed how I was feeling, and constantly reminded myself that I needed to give myself grace. I slowly allowed my body to get back to self, without being in a haste to get back to “normal”. I spoke aloud to myself what I was feeling, and what I had just experienced. I described to myself the entire process of how the morning of my D/C (dilation and curettage) went. I wanted to fully acknowledge what I went through, so I could better able to take care of myself, and share with those around me how they could support me.
Please don’t keep your emotions bottled up inside; talk to someone – a friend, family, a therapist, or a support group. You could also write your feelings down in a journal or talk to your partner. While a miscarriage affects mom, dads are also grieving. Check-in on them, talk to them and be there for them. This is a difficult process, but it’s important to not go through it alone. With love and support, you can get through this together. The key is to acknowledge your grief, so it doesn’t fester and become toxic to your mental state.
2. Taking Time To Self Care
It may be cliché, but self-care is essential, especially when dealing with emotional trauma.
Doing things that brought me comfort was something I indulged in during my recovery process. I am an active person who loves to run and workout, but during my healing process I wanted to be gentle with my body. I still had a pregnancy pudge in front of me, I felt sore at times and I was bleeding post surgery for a few weeks. I honestly didn’t want to do anything that was less than gentle. So, instead of working out, I did yoga. I stayed in bed a little longer, I ordered out instead of cooking, I enjoyed ice-cream in large quantities for the first time in a very long time. I couldn’t take baths at the time, so I went and got massages instead. Some days I meditated and others days I simply rest.
Don’t feel guilty for taking the time to care for yourself. Maybe you now have the urge to do things out of the ordinary for you. Whatever you feel is needed to bring you comfort and bring you one step closer to self, do it! Remember, self-care isn’t selfish; it’s responsible. Taking care of your emotional well-being will help you face the challenging days with grace.
3. Leaning on My Support System
It is necessary to seek comfort from those around you. Your partner, a close friend, or a support group can be your source of encouragement and solace.
I leaned into the support of my friends and partner during my healing process. I had a few soppy wet phone calls, long silent embraces, and beautiful words of encouragement from those I love. Knowing I was not alone made the journey less isolating, and I am so grateful for my support system. I know it does not take away the pain completely, but it did made me feel safe and loved while navigating my emotions.
Having a supportive environment to process difficult emotions can help you heal from trauma faster and more efficiently. It is important to remember that you do not have to go through this process alone. Its easy to think that you are the only person going through this, but the truth is, miscarriages are very common, and many people have gone through the same experience as you. If you don’t have the strongest of a support system be open with your healthcare provider, they can connect you with the right resources.
4. Taking Action
Another way to move forward is to take action. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to start planning your next pregnancy right away. Instead, take baby steps towards finding some closure.
For the longest time my daughter had been asking for a sibling, specifically a sister. When I lost my most recent pregnancy, I thought of the possibility of not being able to carry a pregnancy to term. I thought of the age gap between my daughter and when I could possibly and hopefully give her a sibling. I thought of all the possibilities and my options. It forced serious conversations with myself and my partner of how we would move forward with growing our family, if at all. I’m not quite out of my recovery phase, however I am hopeful of the future. The last time my daughter asked for a sister I was roughly two weeks post miscarriage. I told her I would do my best, but in the mean time to pray for one. Sitting in her car seat on her way to school that morning, she did!
5. Seek Professional Help
If you’re still struggling emotionally, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Speaking to a counselor or a therapist can help you process your emotions and give you practical advice tailored to your situation. I know there is a stigma around talking with a professional, you don’t want people in your business, you don’t want to feel broken or you don’t feel talking to someone will help, but speaking to a professional can be really beneficial. You may feel isolated right now, but everyone encounters difficult times at some point in their life and seeking guidance is a sign of strength, not weakness.
I know first hand that coming to terms with a miscarriage can be emotional and traumatic. However, it’s important to remember that healing from emotional trauma requires you to acknowledge your grief, practice self-care, lean on your support system, take action, and seek professional help if needed. Also, be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. It may not feel like it now, but eventually the hurt will ease and you will have your life back.
I hope you enjoyed this post. I wish you the best on your recovery. 🖤
